Recently, I saw Dr. S (my fond nickname for my mentor) at the end of a long day at the grocery store the other night and he gave me so much more than a warm hello.
A few years ago, I read articles that Dr. HabibSadeghi had written about women's health and how they are like a dry lakebed, as described in the John Steinbeck novel Grapes of Wrath.
That article worked on my consciousness; something was being transmitted from his words. I wanted and needed his help.
For many years, I did not have the means to see him, but each year as I worked on my level of consciousness, my relationship to money changed and I was able to afford a different level of care. Up until then, my kitchen cupboard was stocked with bottled supplements from all shapes and powders and pills from other practitioners. Some of it worked sometimes and then it would stop, and I would be back where I was before.
I first saw Dr. Sadeghi in 2015. The night before my appointment I was on my feet cheering wildly at a basketball game, and there at the game was Dr.S with his wife Dr. Sami and their beautiful children. We said our hello’s during which I reminded him of my appointment the next morning.
In his office, he sat directly in front of me. I could feel the tears coming. I didn’t want to be this vulnerable, yet it felt so good to be this SEEN. He had spent six hours on my lab results and had meditated on why I am here to see him. I was meant to have him as a mentor. I swallowed hard. He stated bluntly, “this would be one of the hardest things I would ever do.”
I have experienced many healers and holy beings that lecture to crowds offering little for me to truly make a shift from my pain and shame. I wanted to shift from unworthiness to being in my authentic self, vibrant and healthy. With these healers, the highs lasted along with the healing jargon for a few weeks and then I would turn back into a pumpkin ,back to the old sick self.
Not so with Dr. S. He reassured me over and over that I will never go back, not to worry but to “trust deeper.” Every other Monday morning at 6:30am, he was there for our call. “Good morning Michelle, how are you feeling and what are you bringing to today’s session my love?” I cringed at this for weeks as my stomach churned by all the, “My love’s, sweethearts, and precious.” Growing up, none of those expressions were familiar to me. I had to walk through fire on glass to find my authentic self and to shed my victim mentality. I was a very prickly pear, “King Kong “he called me. The mentorship came to an end just as we had started, in a canopy of love and light “with your eyes closed, letting go, trusting deeper,” he would say.
I have become 100 percent responsible for my life. Dr. S helped me weave the magic carpet on which I fly. Now I am a “psycho-spiritual goat” eating, chewing, and digesting what life gives me.
After I had bought my food that night at the grocery store we said our hellos and good byes. I grabbed a table outside by the window; there Dr. S and his wife Dr. Sami stood in-line sharing a sandwich that he hand-fed too her. This scenario was valuable to me, because even in this small private moment, I saw the real-life principles that he gave to me.
“What would be important in the life span of a butterfly,” he used to ask me. If I can’t distinguish what’s valuable in the small moments of my life, then I don’t have one that’s worth much at all. I looked at them through the window and I could hear him say, ‘Yeah it’s late, but we’re in it, we’re in the absurdity and the challenge of playing at our highest level right now, here in-line at the store. Let’s find out what were made of together.’ What we are made of is revealed in each moment, in how we treat others, how we treat ourselves. I am forever grateful to Dr. S for giving me back my life.